Sunday, July 27, 2008

Fun Prank: Creature of the Night

So here's a very fun prank to play on your friends and family: convince them you're a vampire, without telling them. It's easy! Here's what to do.

  • Become a nightowl. In about a week you can change your sleep schedule to fit. Frequent nightclubs, go see late-night shows at movies, invite your friends over for 2AM Wii Sports or Rock Band, etc.
  • Buy white cover-up makeup and overuse it, often. We're talking albino level here. Just don't let anyone see you put it on.
  • Whenever you go to a restaurant, always ask the waitress if any of the items on the menu contain garlic, as you've recently discovered you have an allergy.
  • Void your home of all crosses, and likewise avoid going near churches. Take longer paths to avoid them, if necessary.
  • Rob a bloodbank.
  • Similarly, when out for a drive with friends, tell them you have to stop by the butcher for a moment, leave the rest of them in the car, and come back a few minutes later with nothing. When asked why you had to stop by, just say "Lunch" and feign ignorance about all further inquiry.
  • Buy a large, black umbrella, and keep it on you at all times. When cloudy just keep it retracted, but if the sun comes out then open it. Never open it in the rain.
  • Start taking rare steaks for lunch when you go to work, along with a thermos full of a thick, red liquid (this can be blood but if you want a better tasting alternative go with corn syrup, red dye, and Kool-Aid).
Following these simple instructions, you should have people absolutely convinced of your newfound vampiric heritage. Imagine their surprise when they try and stake you, only to discover you don't fall to dust!

Legal notice: If somebody does actually try to stake you, attempt to prevent it and let them in on the secret. It may be that staking (and beheading, which you should also avoid) may be the only way to kill a vampire, but normal mortal humans are most certainly not immune to either of these methods.