Monday, February 20, 2006

November 5th, 2008

Just days after President Bush's public breakdown at the possibility of a woman president, the election is over and the results are coming in.

Like any other election, the nation was cleanly divided amongst Blues and Reds, only now they use Lavender and Pink. The move to change the colors of the two major political parties (Democratic and Republican, respectively) was an executive order by Bush as a last-ditch effort to prevent either candidate from being voted. He made this order after returning from his monthly hunting trip. "The Office of the President is a full-time job. You can't just skip off for a week every month." Bush supporters speculate that he does not hate women, but admitting hatred of the two candidates is a sign of weakness.

Late last year, controversy arose during the FOX special, "Presidential Deathmatch". During the final round, President Bush faced former President William Clinton in a traditional Kentucky knife-fight. Things became bloody when Hilary Clinton entered the ring and drop-kicked the president, and then kneed her husband in the testicles when he tried to pinch her buttocks in celebration. President Bush has resented Senator Clinton since then, publicly insulting her on many occasions during her campaign, and also recently divorced his wife Laura for refusing FOX's request for a "First Lady Deathmatch" which would have focused on a Samurai-themed duel between Hilary and Laura.

As well, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was fired by President Bush in early 2007 for refusing to support his "Three Term" campaign. Bush has also been publicly outspoken against the Republican Party's nomination of Rice.

The voting results were very close. Republican Party candidate Condoleezza Rice earned 49% of electoral votes, while Democratic Party candidate Senator Hilary Clinton took 48%. The remaining 3% were claimed by other parties, the lowest in recent years. Senator Clinton admitted defeat in a rather peculiar way. Firstly, the conversation with Rice occurred via instant messaging, using Google's "Google Talk" service. As well, Clinton did not admit defeat. In an extreme, unexplained mood swing, she insulted Rice and resigned from candidacy.

Condoleezza Rice is scheduled to be sworn in as the first female and first African-American President of the United States on January 20th, 2009. However, President Bush has refused to leave office, even though law requires him to.